Du or Sie? When to use formal German

German has two words for "you". Du is informal: you use it with friends, family, children and often with colleagues. Sie is formal German: you use it with adults you do not know, with officials, at the doctor's and with customers. Choosing between du and Sie is about distance, not grammar. When you are unsure, use Sie. Switching from Sie to du is easy and usually happens when one person offers it; going back from du to Sie is not.

#What is the difference between du and Sie?

Both mean "you", but they bring their own pronouns and verb forms with them. Sie always takes the same verb form as sie meaning "they", and it is always written with a capital S, like Ihnen and Ihr when they mean "you" and "your".

The capital letter matters in writing, because a small letter changes the meaning:

For a group, the informal plural is ihr, and the formal plural is again Sie. So Sie can mean one person or a whole room.

If the pronoun tables still feel shaky, German pronouns in every case has them all in one place.

#When should you use Sie?

Use Sie with adults you do not know and in any situation with a role attached to it. In practice that means:

• people in shops, restaurants, on the phone and on the street, unless they are clearly young and the setting is casual
• everyone at the Bürgeramt, the Ausländerbehörde, the bank and the police
• doctors, receptionists, pharmacists and your landlord
• customers, clients and business partners
• your boss and colleagues, until you know the team uses du

Sie is not cold. It is simply the polite default between adults who have no personal relationship, and many Germans use it for years with a neighbour they like.

#When is du normal?

Du is normal with friends, family, children and teenagers, among students, in sports clubs and in most hobby groups. Online, in forums and on social media, people almost always use du. Some brands address their customers with du in adverts to sound relaxed.

At work, du is spreading fast. Many start-ups, tech companies and young teams use du from the first day, and some large companies have made it the rule for everyone. Banks, public administration and anything involving clients more often stay with Sie. The German for work guide shows how to read your team on your first day.

The verbs duzen (to use du) and siezen (to use Sie) are everyday words, and you will hear them often.

#How do you switch from Sie to du?

Traditionally, the older person or the one in the more senior position offers du. Among people of the same age and rank, either can suggest it. It often happens with a first name and a smile, sometimes with a drink.

Once you have agreed on du, it stays. Going back to Sie would feel like a punishment, which is why many people wait a while before they offer it.

#What if you are not sure?

Start with Sie and listen. If the other person answers with du, or introduces themselves by first name only, you can usually follow. In a group, Hallo zusammen greets everyone without choosing.

You will also meet a mixed form in some offices, sometimes called the "Hamburger Sie": the first name together with Sie. It is friendly but still keeps a little distance.

Asking is also fine. Duzen wir uns hier? (Do we use du here?) is a perfectly normal question for a new colleague.

#How does Linota help with du and Sie?

Linota's missions put you in situations where Sie is expected: a phone call to the doctor's practice to get an appointment, or the Bürgeramt before it closes. You answer in your own German, typed or spoken, and get feedback on every reply, including when you slipped into du. With Say it yourself, you see a sentence in English, say it in German and compare, which is a quick way to make Könnten Sie ...? automatic. For more on sounding polite, see polite requests in German.

#The short version

• Du is informal, Sie is formal; both mean "you".
• Sie takes the verb form of "they" and is always written with a capital S.
• Use Sie with strangers, officials, customers and anyone in a role.
• Use du with friends, family, children and colleagues who use it.
• The older or more senior person usually offers du, and then it stays.
• When unsure, start with Sie.

Next, find out how to open a conversation in the right register with German greetings by region.

This post teaches the German for the situation. It is not legal, tax, medical or financial advice, and rules change: for your own case, ask the office, your employer, a doctor or a qualified adviser.